Sunday, November 4, 2007

One Day at a Time

We all know the phrase, "One day at a time", but let me expand on it's significance in my life as of late. Oftentimes we focus on the future, what might happen, what could happen, and get ourselves all worked up before we even really know what is in fact going to occur. I subscribe to the theory that if we remain in the present, in the moment, we can achieve a happier state of being and truly be at peace with whatever we are confronting in the moment.

Those of you who read my blog on a regular basis are aware of my situation concerning the scam and it's repercussions on my job and family. So, as a person must in this kind of circumstance to keep from going crazy, I have stopped fighting and questioning and berating myself, and embraced the way things are going to be for now. Of course, I am human and that does not mean that I don't have some moments of tears and frustrations, but I think the key to moving on and opening new doors is to not remain stuck in all that fear and emotion but let those feelings have validation and flow through. As I wrote a few days ago, being more aware has brought me a feeling of peace and I have been in a different state of mind for the past few days.
Don't get me wrong, I have focused on finding work from home, but not obsessed over it, following whatever lead presented itself. I have practiced holding fast to the state of mind that knows everything will be okay, and relaxed. It is amazing how things are simply falling into place, as I focus on taking it day by day, moment by moment, even those things I thought were not going to take place for such a long time.
As of yesterday I believe I have found a little something to do from home to earn enough money to be okay right now, so that burden is lifted, thankfully. But at the same time, along with that satisfaction, is an unexpected yet pleasantly surprising development.

Much to my delight and surprise, the carrier agency I had been working with for a long time ( to be a gestational carrier) contacted me last week with good news. I had pretty much shelved the idea of being a carrier and as is often the case, things are falling into place now that I have stopped trying to make it happen.

First, let me offer some background info on this situation with the agency. After 10 months of working with this agency (since Nov. 2006), being matched, and then everything falling through at literally the last moment (in July 2007), I just backed off figuring it just wasn't meant to be or wasn't the right time. In August, I let the agency know that I was still interested and when they had a couple, they could contact me, but that until then, I was not going to initiate contact or inquire further. I just had to let it go and wait to see if it would come back to me in it's own time, knowing that if it did, then it was meant to be. The whole situation was very disappointing because I had really wanted to be a gestational carrier, put a lot of time and effort into getting all the required documentation, and most importantly, felt a connection with the Intended Mother with whom I had originally been matched. But, hard as we tried, it just wasn't meant to happen. There was always some kind of issue that was holding everything up and the process lingered on for months, frustrating everyone involved until finally all the blocks tumbled down around us, disintegrating the whole thing.

My motivation for being a carrier was/is that I can't imagine life without my kids and since pregnancy is something I enjoy and I have experienced no health problems while pregnant with my children, I determined that I had something to contribute, and it was my heart's desire to do so. I put years of contemplation into this decision and initiated the process in 2006, feeling that I had reached the place in my life where I was ready. To make a very long story short, my profile was sent out again last week and was accepted by a couple who sound very nice. This time things are moving along at a rapid pace and the pieces are falling into place effortlessly. I am very much looking forward to this opportunity and, if it actually happens I will post updates often - especially when the transfer takes place and whether or not it means Baby!

20 comments:

Kellan said...

I am so pleased that things are falling into place for you. It is so true that sometimes things come to us, not by our searching it out - but by simply allowing the thing to find us. I am so proud of you. I have often believed that I too could have been a carrier for another woman - but never had the true drive to do anything about it. I am proud of you and I hope it all works out - truly. Take care.

Family Adventure said...

I can't say how impressed I am with you. Your attitude to this whole situation with the scam has been unbelievable. You are right that you shouldn't worry about something that may or may not happen in the future. But one thing is to 'say' you shouldn't be worried, another thing is truly being able to not do so. I am so amazed that you've been able to do that. Amazed and inspired.

Equally blown away am I that you are considering being a carrier. What a gift you are prepared to offer someone else. Truly. I hope for your sake that it works out well.

Thank you! I can't say how happy I am to have found you :)

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

Heidi :)

Magpie said...

Good luck with that. I hope it works out perfectly.

Karen MEG said...

Your post gave me chills. I'm a fairly new visitor, and your attitude on life, your generosity of spirit, so inspiring.

I'm so glad that you've found something from home workwise. And the fact that you're on your way to being a gestational carrier - that just took my breath away.

We struggled with infertility for years, and were very luckily finally blessed with our lovely children. Not all couples are so fortunate. This couple that you have been matched with is so fortunate to have found you.

I look forward to reading more about your journey and wish you well with it. You are one special lady.

Karen said...

Wow. I just happened upon your blog, and what a post to come in on! I think you're very brave. Please keep us updated...I'll be reading!!

Beck said...

You are very, very brave.

mitzh said...

I am very happy for you.

The way you see life and the way you live it, that alone are enough reasons that you deserve every blessing.

Christine said...

i am so impressed and amazed by your wonderfully positive attitude and your willingness to help a family have a baby in their lives.

Kellan said...

What ... you have no polka-dotted things of your own to show me? Not into polka-dots? I saw Painted Maypoles polka-dotted bathroom picture recently - a girl after my polka-dotted heart. My little daughter's room has great big pink polka-dots all over her walls - I sponged them on. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?? See ya.

Jen M. said...

You are an amazing woman to give another woman that gift.

Aliki2006 said...

You ARE brave, and amazing. I'm glad things are falling into place--my fingers are crossed for you!

niobe said...

This is wonderful news -- both for you and for the family you're matched with.

SWC said...

Just stumbled into your blog...I love what you're doing. I, too, LOVED every minute of my pregnancy. So, I really think it's beautiful that you would do this for a deserving family. You are doing a wonderful thing. If I hadn't had such a grueling birth experience (29 hours of labor, 8 pushing...followed by emergency c-section), I would also consider this. Good for you!

Amy Y said...

Yay for the job that'll help you through until something different comes along...
Yay for the progress on being a carrier! Maybe we'll be pregnant together. :)

Jen said...

I think you are very brave and generous to give this gift to another couple. I could not do it myself, but I admire those of you who can. Hope it all works out perfectly!

Victoria said...

You are obviously a very giving spirit. I hope all goes well!

blooming desertpea said...

You have been in my prayers and I am so happy to read this. It is so true what you're saying about having the right attitude even if I find it very hard at times. I'm glad this new door opened for you and I will stay tuned to read about it. Hope everything goes well.

painted maypole said...

i am always amazed by people who are willing to give such a gift to others. You're amazing.

Emily said...

THat is a fantastic gift to give people.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

It does sound as if things are falling into place as they should.

Does a gestational carrier contribute her genes to the baby, or is she implanted with a fertilized fetus because the biological mother is unable to carry a child to term?

This is a most generous gift you offer to a couple whose dream of parenthood could not become reality otherwise.